As long as resisting control is your primary motivation in life, even if it is unconscious, you will remain stuck. It is only when loving yourself (and others) is more important to you than whether or not you are being subject to control, that you will be able to make progress. If you had parents who were invasive, you were controlled at a very young age, and likely felt helpless and angry as a result. Since you may have needed to give up parts of yourself to get approval, or at least get your parents off your back, you discovered ways to resist, to avoid losing your sense of self and independence. This resistance then became part of your identity, a survival mechanism for your wounded self to feel more empowered. Anytime you try to exert power over yourself with rigid rules and internal criticism, you are trying to force control over yourself in a way that likely won’t be too productive. This may set off an internal power struggle between the authoritative part of you that wants control and the part of you that resists being controlled. Paradoxically, the goal of both parts is to survive, and moreover, to keep you safe and happy — but it’s a goal you can never reach without giving up the very strategy you think is protecting you. First, let’s identify the six main symptoms of “Resistance Syndrome.” Most people who are caught up in this syndrome will identify with at least three of them … You are in denial about the fact that you may have a deeper goal underlying everything else, which is not to be controlled by anyone or anything.
