It’s not easy to allow the fantasy to shatter. Many people have unconsciously carried and embellished this fantasy since childhood, and we live in a culture that encourages the belief that perfection exists. So when you start to let it go, there’s a grieving process that often needs to occur before you can accept a realistic model of healthy love. And my response is, “When you find that person, call me and let me know.” Here’s the paradox: When you let go of the cultural fantasy of perfection — and it is absolutely a grieving process as my course member shared above — you make room for the perfect imperfection of your good, loving relationship to blossom around you. For it’s in loving what is human — in all of its irritating foibles, quirks and dumb jokes — that we soften our walls of fear and judgment designed to keep others at a safe distance and learn about what it really means to love. It’s what Robin Williams’ character in Good Will Hunting says in one of the greatest movie scenes about intimate relationships: “My wife’s been dead for two years and those are the things I miss the most: the little idiosyncrasies that only I know about. And she had the goods on me, too. She knew all of my little peccadillos. People call these things imperfections; but they’re not. Oh, that’s the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You’re not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met? She’s not perfect, either.” Have fun watching the whole scene here: To receive a thorough relationship road map, check out her mbg video course, How to Have the Greatest Relationship of Your Life. And if you’re struggling with sexual desire and body image, consider her course Sacred Sexuality: A 40-Day Course for Women to Heal Body Shame and Ignite Desire.
