For example, one person may feel most appreciated when their partner says the words “I love you” (the words of affirmation love language), whereas another may feel most appreciated when their partner gives them a lot of affectionate touch like kisses and holding hands (the physical touch love language). “Love languages are a deceptively simple concept, and understanding them can be transformative if you put in the practical work,” trauma-informed relationship coach Julie Nguyen writes at mbg. “It invites curiosity, not mind-reading, into the relationship.” Here’s a quick basic overview of each love language: The way you show people you love them—and the way you want them to show you love—are usually clear indicators of your love language. You may have more than one love language, or you might have one primary love language and a few secondary ones. “We all may relate to most of these languages, but each of us has one that speaks to us the most,” marriage and family therapist Sunny Motamedi, Psy.D., recently told mbg. The more important one to pay attention to is the receiving language—how you want to receive love and how the people around you want to receive love. The giver should attune to the receiver’s love language, as the point is always to make the receiver feel loved in the way they will actually appreciate. “Discovering your and your partner’s primary love language and speaking that language regularly may [create] a better understanding of each other’s needs and support each other’s growth,” Motamedi said. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
