According to certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, cuffing can be as simple as consistently hooking up with someone you know isn’t going to be a long-term partner, sometimes even “going below what your typical standards might be in the summer.” Not to say a “cuff” can never turn into something long-term, but typically, it doesn’t look like your usual committed relationship. Some research suggests people feel more lonely when the weather is cold1 in general, and interestingly enough, being cold makes people more interested in romantic movies. “Individuals are literally and psychologically seeking warmth during the colder months,” Spinelli explains, “and those months elicit a longing to ensure they are not alone.” Plus, Richmond adds, with shorter days, less light, and the reality of seasonal affective disorder and depression being more prominent in the wintertime, “looking to other people for comfort and connection makes total sense.” If they say they’re only looking for something temporary or don’t want to commit, don’t assume you’ll eventually change their mind. “This really commands open, transparent communication within the first couple weeks or month, for the expectations or projections for the relationship,” Richmond says. “Dating out of loneliness or boredom leads to unhealthy relationships,” she adds. Overall, be sure to figure out whether you really like the person, “or if you are longing for love and companionship during a season where we search to hibernate with someone.” And those boundaries go for family and friends, too. “If there is noise from family about bringing a date to an event, keep in mind that you don’t need to meet their expectations,” Spinelli notes. “Prepare proactively and set boundaries for triggers as the season begins.” If you can accept that and settle into it for what it is, that’s a wonderful thing, she adds. And if you feel yourself catching feelings or getting too attached, she suggests asking yourself if the fallout will be worse than the loneliness. On top of that, Richmond says some questions worth asking yourself include: But at the end of the day, the best way to know if your relationship will last after cuffing season is to address it. Remember, communication is key. Being transparent about what you both want out of the relationship is really the best way to honor each other and enjoy each other’s company—whether only for cuffing season or for the long haul.
