It may sound wonderful to fall in love with ease and always have a favorable view of relationships. That’s certainly more productive than a negative approach. However, reality rarely matches our fantasies, which is where hopeless romantics may struggle. Early on, “you’re hyper-focused on the traits that made you fall in love,” Jackson adds. So even if you see the red flag, you likely ignore it or reject the notion altogether—convincing yourself it’s not what it appears to be. But ignoring a problem doesn’t make it disappear. Soon you’re unable to look the other way. When you idealize your significant other, you don’t see them as they are. You see them as you want them to be. Aside from ignoring red flags, you establish impractical expectations of a partner because you’re measuring them against the image in your mind. Sometimes you’re the bomber, doing everything in your power to make someone love you and being exactly who you think they want. That is until you realize you’re not in the relationship you imagined and bounce. Once the spark is gone, so are you. Other times, you’re the one who’s bombed. It’s easy for you to fall for early false promises and manipulative demonstrations of devotion because the rapid progression follows your fairy-tale script. Allen also believes that hopeless romantics are prone to challenging breakups because they invest so much into the relationship so fast. “It feels like they’re losing a big part of themselves during the breakup. And they’re more likely to keep going back to their ex or jump into a new relationship really quickly.” The split is a far fall from idealistic love they may wish to avoid. Jackson adds that the situation becomes a serious issue when hopeless romantics struggle with navigating conflict. “As soon as there is evidence that this isn’t the fairy tale that they envision, they typically leave the relationship prematurely, feeling like it isn’t meant to be.” But they don’t alter their concept of love. So the cycle continues to repeat itself. In other words, hopeless romantics can set themselves up for disappointment. But that isn’t to say that hopeless romantics can’t eventually find what they’re looking for. Level of cognizance is the key factor in determining whether this outlook on love renders negative or positive results. And importantly, you can be a romantic without being hopeless. If there’s no pattern in your life of the above behaviors or situations, you may only be a hopeful, intentional lover.
