Notably, outercourse has a broad definition and can mean different things depending on who you ask. For some people, outercourse is any sexual activity that isn’t penis-in-vagina sex, while others define it more strictly as only sexual acts that don’t involve any penetration whatsoever. Often, someone’s definition of what counts as outercourse is influenced by their reasons for wanting to practice it. A person who believes in waiting for marriage to have sex, for example, might see getting fingered vaginally as belonging to the realm of outercourse, whereas another person might not necessarily agree. Some people see outercourse as a form of abstinence (i.e., voluntarily choosing to not have sex), while others see outercourse as just one of many types of sex. Outercourse can also be seen as encompassing any sexual activity that comes with a lowered STI risk or lowered chance of pregnancy, though notably, many forms of outercourse may still include skin-to-skin contact or an exchange of fluids, meaning there may still be some of these risks involved. For some, abstinence means refraining from any and all sexual behaviors, including, but not limited to, intercourse. This definition is usually more common among people for whom living “a chaste life may be an important exercise of faith,” says Harris-Jackson. Abstinence can also be understood as simply avoiding penetrative, penis-in-vagina sex, in which case outercourse could technically be understood as a form of abstinence. If you are practicing abstinence, Corrado recommends that you “talk with your partners about what that means to each of you. It’s best to be on the same page—and to also understand why some things are off the table and why others aren’t.” She also advocates for the importance of being able to change one’s mind and remove or change the terms of consent. “Have such discussions in advance and continue the communication throughout,” she advises. “Any type of sex act comes with some level of risk, whether that’s risk of STI transmission, emotional vulnerability, physical harm, or social risk. There’s no one form of sex that’s inherently safe or unsafe,” Corrado explains. “If someone is including cunnilingus in their definition of outercourse, that’s oral sex—and it comes with the risk of STI transmission. But there is also how vulnerable someone feels during a sex act, if a particular sex act could trigger gender dysphoria, and if their partner can be trusted to keep what happens in the bedroom between them.” Safer sex is achieved through a combination of communication, birth control (if relevant), and barrier methods. To make outercourse safer, you need to fit the protection to the act. For example, a condom will be effective (although not fail-proof) in preventing pregnancy if used while thrusting between your partner’s butt cheeks or thighs. However, a condom will not protect against herpes, for instance, as this STI is spread by skin-to-skin contact. Likewise, to reduce the risk of STI transmission, a condom or dental dam needs to be used at any time during outercourse where there’s a risk that vaginal fluid or semen can touch your partner’s genitals or mouth.
