“When people say ‘making love,’ they tend to mean emotionally connected sex, or sex with someone with whom they are in love,” she explains. “It’s linked to spiritual seekers, hippies, Tantra practitioners, or anyone else who seeks transcendence through sex.” The term likely arose in relation to the idea of traditional courtship, Battle notes, but it has since evolved from its original meaning to have the meaning it has now. Today, the term “making love” is more commonly used among more religious, spiritual, or traditional communities, or it can be a way of talking about sex without saying the word “sex,” which some people find to be too crass. Meanwhile, others have consciously moved away from using the term “making love” because of the way it can create a moral hierarchy around sexuality, implying that sex is most valuable when romantic love is involved—which is not the case for everybody. “Some argue it’s an outdated term because there is more cultural acceptance for sex outside of the context of a loving partnership,” Battle adds. “There is also a growing understanding that all different kinds of sex can connect two people emotionally.” The difference between making love and having sex is subjective, as they can look and feel exactly the same and involve exactly the same sexual acts, behaviors, and connection. The biggest difference is in the intention behind the sex: Making love is about using sex to express feelings of romantic love. “In the powerful gaze of your partner, there is nowhere to hide, and you practice fully revealing yourself to the other with all that you feel and all that you are. You see them fully while at the same time letting yourself be seen,” writes tantric sex educator Leslie Grace, R.N. “Let the love that is in your heart shine out through your eyes. Gazing at your beloved, see the divine spark in their eyes, marveling at the pure life force that is animating them. Feel the sacredness of this simple moment together.” With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
