Regardless of your genital anatomy, feminist counselor and psychotherapist Ashley D. Sweet, M.A., LPC, LMHC, CCRC, says oral sex can be a very pleasurable experience because of our bodies’ nerve-dense genitals. Many people consider oral sex to be more pleasurable than other forms of sexual play, she adds, and this may explain why: “The tongue is a soft yet strong set of muscles that can create powerful, pleasurable sensations on the genitals that are unlike any other form of stimulation.” People may prefer oral sex for many reasons, including Sweet’s assertion that they enjoy the taste, up-close visuals, and smell of their partner. “Also, folks may prefer oral sex because there isn’t a risk of pregnancy, as there can be with heterosexual intercourse.” Board-certified sexologist Jessica Cline, MSW, Ph.D., tells mbg that with the exception of the 69 oral sex position, this form of sex is “an act of orgasmic isolation with the sole focus being on giving and receiving pleasure.” Adding that, “Oral sex can feel incredibly connecting, more so than penetrative sex.” Another large perk of oral sex is it provides balance in pleasure. For example, people with clitorises engaging in penetrative sex typically have difficulty reaching orgasm, whereas a penis can experience ejaculation in much less time with fewer barriers. Because of this, Cline says sex partners can use oral sex “as the orgasmic equalizer, a metaphorical appetizer, the main course, or dessert.” Usually one partner lies on their back and the other lies atop them with their knees straddling the other person’s head. No matter your gender or anatomy, the 69 is a great oral sex position for women, plus those who are interested in blowjobs positions. However, this position isn’t without its (solvable) downsides. “The 69 position is actually trash for many people,” Sweet says. “It can be very uncomfortable to hold the position, and it can be very distracting to both give and receive at the same time!” Because of this, some couples explore this position by lying on their sides and facing their partner’s genitals, which Cline says gives your neck a break. Or they do the 68, a variation of the 69 where your partner lies on their back as you lie on your back on top of them with your crotch in their face. From that angle, you can tease your partner with controlled movements of your genitals through pressure, rhythm and depth. To make this position more comfortable, the giver can put a pillow beneath their knees. And on the receiving end, people with vulvas can place their foot or leg on their partner’s shoulder to provide a deeper all-access pass to their genitals. AASECT-certified and board-certified sexologist Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, says an upside of this position is “it also allows for a lot more mobility of both hands, so a spare hand can fondle the testicles or stimulate the vagina”—or partners can maximize each other’s oral pleasure with internal or external sex toys for couples. “The position is great because it provides a lot of comfort for the giver and the receiver,” Cline says, adding that you can place a pillow under your hips to provide easier access to the parts you want to be stimulated. Feel free to bend your knees, keep them flat on the bed, or wrap them around your partner’s head. You can try this facing your partner’s body or face, but you might want to access the rest of their body for a sexy view and the ability to please them. This may not be the best blowjob position for the giving partner as it’s not very neck-friendly, but you can easily make it one if the top partner lowers the penis into their partner’s mouth. Or if the bottom partner has a penis too, the top partner can suck them off at the same time, turning this upside-down position into 69. What’s fun and sexy about this position is that it lets “the receiver participate more interactively by grinding and moving their hips,” says Cline. Plus, it “invites in a feeling of domination and submission, which can be incredibly erotic.” To make this a blowjob position, have the receiver sit at an angle and “feed” their penis into the giver’s mouth to reduce any neck tension or discomfort and the risk of suffocation. As the receiver, you can spread your legs to let your partner’s mouth in deeper or keep them close together to experience a serious tease. When you’ve settled into this position, the other person kneels behind you and stimulates your anus or genital area, either with their mouth or sex toys. (Or both!) The neat part of this position is you can both control the pace—they can control the level of pressure to apply, and by sensually moving your body forward and back, you can control how much of you they access. Pro-tip: While you or your partner receive, try wearing a butt plug to maximize your pleasure! In this position, the receiver leans against a wall with their legs slightly apart and their pelvis pushed out, while the pleasurer kneels on the floor or sits. An oral sex position that works well for both vulva- and penis-havers, Cline says couples can enjoy this one anywhere, from the bedroom to the kitchen to the shower to the pantry and more. To protect your knees or theirs, don’t forget the pillow. And to keep your balance (especially as you get closer to having an orgasm), try to lean against a wall or door. In any oral sex position, she says to make sure it doesn’t cause strain or pain in your body. If that happens, change positions. “The neck is very fragile, and if the purpose of the oral sex session is pleasure, be mindful about pain in your performance.” You can always place a pillow under the pelvis, which she says can be helpful to lift your genitals, “creating easier access and less neck strain.” A few to consider: Skyler says it’s a risk to assume that your partner can read your mind and understand your desires without a conversation first because it “can often lead to a miss when attempting to execute various types of stimulation.” Rather than make your partner feel like they’re bad at oral sex or don’t know how to please, Skyler says to simply fine-tune your communication. If you and your partner decide to forgo protection, Skyler says, “getting tested before being exclusive or fluid bonded is very important.” Here’s why: “Most people aren’t aware they’re infected,” says Cline, “and they often have no symptoms leading to unintentionally exposing partners.” The best way to avoid this scenario is to prioritize safety as a part of your pleasure.
