Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis and loosely translates to “wand of light.” In tantra philosophy, we approach the lingam from a place of the utmost love and respect, the same way we approach the yoni, or vagina. (The yoni massage might be considered the equivalent of the lingam massage, just performed on people with vaginas.) When you bring your partner pleasure through their “wand of light,” you are filled with that same energy or light in a conscious exchange of energy in giving and receiving pleasure. A big part of sacred sexuality is learning to love the penis and not be afraid of it. Many women I work with are still not totally comfortable with handling a man’s penis. If that is the case for you, take some time to reflect on any negative impressions you may have inherited from your parents or your culture. Lingam massage is a practice that truly honors the penis and those who have them. We do it to give them pleasure. There is also a tremendous amount of sexual energy or chi in a person’s penis, and learning how to stimulate and circulate it is very powerful. When I went to India to study tantra and yoga, I was shocked at first to see statues of the Shiva lingam that represented the God Shiva. For most people, it represents a state of meditation. But for ancient tantric practitioners, this held a secret meaning: that this powerful God energy was in the penis, which was thought to contain the most masculine essence concentrated in one place. Think of it this way: Sacred sex is about approaching your partner’s body as a temple and their penis as the most holy place of all. This special breathing will bring you three benefits: Move on to the testicles. Gently, slowly massage them. You can use your fingernails gently on the testicles, or pull them slightly. You can also cup them in your hands and fondle them in the palm of your hand. Massage the area around the testicles and penis (i.e., the pubic bone in the front, the inner part of the thighs, and the perineum—or taint—which is the area between the testicles and the anus). Be careful with the balls. People differ greatly as to the kind of touch they like here. Some people are more sensitive or ticklish than others. It’s OK to ask your partner how they like their testicles touched before you start or while you’re touching them. The penis might go from being rock hard to semi-hard. Don’t worry. That’s what’s supposed to happen. If your partner isn’t experienced with prostate massage, start externally. To find the sacred spot, look for an indentation somewhere between the size of a pea and a walnut midway between the testicles and the anus. Push gently inward. Be careful to go slowly and let your partner guide you in terms of pressure. When you hit the right spot, massage it by pushing in with your fingers or knuckles, then backing off and pushing in again. You can also use a circular massage motion. If your partner is especially hairy, use more oil so you can get to the area more easily. Or better yet, ask them if you can shave them for easier access. If your partner is ready for insertion, make sure their anus and your fingers are oiled up. Make sure your nails don’t have any jagged edges. Start by inserting just the tip of one finger at first. Wiggle it back and forth to loosen your partner up. Once they’re comfortable with that, you can insert your finger(s) more deeply, as the prostate is about 2 to 3 inches inside the anus, closer to the anterior wall of the rectum. Once there, you can gently caress it by moving your finger from side to side, up and down, or “milking” it with a come hither motion with your finger(s). Ask your partner how they’re doing as you go. Let them lead. Prostate massage can sometimes be difficult to do with fingers, which is why so many sex toy companies now sell prostate massagers that you can use when you’re ready to take it to the next level. Isadora passed away on March 26, 2017. During her life, Psalm made a name for herself as a bold, outspoken sex, relationships, and trauma expert who lived to inspire the next generation of women. She demystified the ancient secrets of Tantra to make them accessible to the modern masses. Raised in a religious cult as a child, Isadora endured years of sexual trauma that eventually ignited her passion to teach sexual empowerment and modern sex ed. In 2007, Isadora traveled to India to immerse herself in the ancient teachings of Tantra to facilitate deep healing and discover her own path as a healer. For eight years, Isadora traveled to India to delve deeper into the path of Tantra and teach yoga to sex-trafficked women in the red light district of Calcutta, work that would eventually become part of a documentary titled Shakti. She studied the Śrī Vidyā tradition of Tantra under spiritual guru Sri Amritananda (Guruji) in Pradesh, India, and was initiated into Shakti Tantra Yoga. We will miss you, Psalm. You will certainly never be forgotten.
