Here’s what you need to know about sexual narcissists and how to spot them. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual doesn’t classify narcissism into different types, but the concept of sexual narcissism has been demonstrated by several research studies. The Sexual Narcissism Scale1 used to measure this characteristic includes four traits: Ghosting after sex is a common behavior of sexual narcissists, says Santan, since they’ve already gotten the validation they sought from the encounter. In an ongoing relationship, physically leaving the house or room after sex is more common. “Sexual narcissists will often be very charming and flattering until they get what they want. Then they will go back to ignoring and neglecting their partners,” he says. “Sex isn’t about connection for the sexual narcissist—it’s about domination, self-gratification, and power,” Santan explains. “The partner of someone who admires their own sexual prowess and/or is obsessed with their sexual performance will notice that the sexual narcissist isn’t emotionally present during sexual intimacy. They will feel as if the experience was devoid of emotional connection.” Some sexual narcissists will even gaslight you into believing you wanted sex that you were manipulated into, says Santan. They might also accuse partners of flirting with others, cheating, or being narcissists in order to deflect blame from themselves. RELATED STORY: How To Spot Narcissistic Abuse: 15 Behaviors & Warning Signs A 2015 study5 in Violence Against Women found that college men with narcissistic traits were more likely to have committed sexual assault. Another study6 in the Archives of Sexual Behavior linked narcissism with sexual coercion committed by women as well. Suzannah provides private coaching and courses in the areas of sex and relationships, as well as doula services.
