“It’s something that we characterize as happening between the ages of 40 and 60, maybe even 35 and 65 depending, and it’s just somebody feeling discontent with an aspect of their life and often taking some steps to remedy the discontent,” Yusim says. Those steps, adds psychotherapist Annette Nuñez, Ph.D., LMFT, are often drastic life changes, like starting a whole new career path or trying to retain (or reclaim) some sort of youthful behavior. The recognition of aging can also trigger a feeling of crisis, Yusim explains, whether it’s physical signs of aging like menopause or even simply the realization that life has grown a bit mundane. “Something about the recognition of all of that leads people to want to grasp at something, to feel more alive, and sometimes make changes in their life,” Yusim says. While yes, the crisis may manifest differently in men versus women thanks to certain gender norms and expectations, there is certainly overlap. Yusim says those differences have historical origins: “Men historically have been more financially independent and were able to take steps that were much more outward in order to deal with their midlife crises, like getting a sports car,” she says. But now times are changing, and women have more of that independence, so they, too, can switch jobs or make extravagant purchases. All that to say, the idea that only men have midlife crises is outdated and inaccurate. And as Yusim adds, “Even impulsive changes are a product of long-standing frustrations or difficulties that people have been quite conflicted about—and maybe at some point have finally decided to act on.” Or in other extreme instances, one partner in a relationship may realize they’ve outgrown the other, leading to a divorce. “I see a lot of couples where one partner is going through a midlife crisis and the other isn’t, and you’ll see a lot that this leads to breakups or divorces during this midlife crisis age,” she adds. In this stage, Yusim says, people can opt for internal and/or external changes. “Are you going to do something about it in your inner world, like try to change your attitude and how you’re feeling? Or something in your outer world like Botox, or leaving your marriage or your job?” she explains. And if you are worried you’re taking things a bit too far, both she and Yusim note that talking to a therapist about how you’re feeling can help, too. “You need insight and awareness as to what is causing the discontent to know the life change you want to make,” Yusim says. She also adds that the most important thing you can do is get a sense of what you’re really feeling. “Who are you really? What are the options available to you? And then connect with your soul,” she says. Be patient with yourself and remember this period won’t last forever. Nuñez adds you can watch out for them as well, stepping in if you see them partaking in self-destructive behavior like going into debt over exorbitant purchases. “Just bringing it to the person’s attention and bringing them down to earth, as opposed to letting them flounder,” she explains.
