“Erikson suggests that in early adulthood, we encounter the psychosocial crisis of intimacy versus isolation,” psychologist Karin Anderson Abrell, Ph.D., explains to mbg. “We navigate ways we’ll express and receive intimacy with friends, family members, and romantic partners.” During this stage, she adds, we determine our preferences and norms, which will influence the dynamics of all our relationships. “Some of us will desire deep intimacy, while others will feel more comfortable with greater emotional distance in relationships.” Intimacy involves “connecting deeply and authentically with another—sharing who we are, what we’re about, and how we feel,” Abrell adds. This is important because it offers us what psychologists call social support. “A myriad of studies find those of us with solid and reliable social support fare better in a variety of realms—including our emotional and psychological well-being and even our physical health,” she notes. Although people often associate the word intimacy with sex, sexual intimacy is just one type of intimacy. Intimacy can happen in romantic contexts as well as familial and friendly relationships. Erikson believed close and intimate relationships in general play a large role in our overall well-being. And of course, intimacy comes with a bit of risk, but it’s a risk worth taking, Richmond says. “Taking more risk, being more vulnerable, and opening yourself up more,” she says, are all important factors of connection and, therefore, intimacy. “Any good relationship starts with the emotional and relational piece of intimacy,” she adds. “So how vulnerable can you be with your partner; how vulnerable can they be with you?” Oftentimes, isolation can stem from issues surrounding attachment, self-worth or self-image, and intimacy. The stage before intimacy versus isolation is identity versus role confusion, Abrell notes, and if there’s still work to be done there, intimacy can feel like a challenge. “There’s no intimacy without connection, and if we’re too in shame, too in self-doubt, or too much in insecurity, we can’t connect,” Richmond explains. And this can turn into many psychological and physical detriments, Abrell adds, including loneliness, little to no social support, poor relationships, and even health effects ranging from heart disease to depression, substance abuse, and suicide. “Isolated individuals can absolutely move toward connection through therapy, support groups, and social skills training,” Abrell says, adding that again, “self-reflection, self-exploration, and cultivating one’s identity will assist in overcoming isolation.” Very often, isolation can be rooted in a fear of rejection, she notes, so by bolstering our identity, “we gain the courage to embark upon the risk-taking inherent in relating to others.” As Richmond notes, cultivating intimacy is about learning how to open up, be vulnerable, and take that risk. “Intimacy is all about feeling seen, feeling understood, and not feeling like you have to sacrifice a piece of yourself to be loved,” Richmond explains, adding if we can’t connect, we can’t be intimate, which leads to isolation. And according to research, Abrell tells mbg, loneliness is associated with up to a 30% increased risk of premature death1, on top of all the aforementioned physical and mental afflictions, like heart disease and depression.
