“When I think of infatuation, I think of someone who has a strong attraction to a person they don’t know well,” Fogel Mersy explains. ‘It can also involve rejecting information that goes against the fantasy, such as ignoring red flags or early signs of incompatibility." Someone who is infatuated is constantly thinking about that person, Fogel Mersy adds. The feeling tends to form very quickly after meeting someone, says licensed mental health counselor Grace Suh, LMHC, LPC, and the infatuated person may feel like they’ve found “the one” even though they’ve just met them. “Love is more than just a feeling,” Suh says. “It requires some knowledge about the person and being able to love despite knowing that their loved one is flawed and imperfect. Love is not self-serving but the willingness to sacrifice and/or compromise.” Fogel Mersy puts it this way: “Loving someone means knowing them. Love is a form of intimacy, and intimacy requires being known and seen.” “Infatuation may turn into love if you are able to accept the disappointment and willing to give rather than self-serve,” Suh explains. “Infatuation is self-serving because you feel good fantasizing about the person, but the reality is that this person who you think is perfect is probably not perfect. If you are able to give, sacrifice, and compromise with the person you are infatuated with [with] joy and willingness, yes, it can certainly turn into love.” Rather than thinking about how long the infatuation stage might be, Suh recommends considering how long it takes to progress to the next stage of the relationship. (Here’s more on how long it takes to fall in love.) But infatuation can be unhealthy in extremes, Suh notes. “When you are infatuated, it probably means that you really like their appearance and [feel] sexually/physically attracted to them intensely. It is important to have sexual/physical attraction toward someone to develop a romantic relationship,” she says. “But if infatuation becomes an obsession with unrealistic expectations and demanding perfection, yes, it becomes bad.” “If infatuation turns bidirectional, with the sense of security from both parties, you’re off a good start,” Suh says. Just remember to take your time, really invest in getting to know the person you’re with—flaws and all—and maybe wait until the rose-colored glasses come off before making any big decisions. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
