After a decade, a suicide attempt, several therapists, and a couple of antidepressants, I’ve come to understand that I was causing my own suffering by torturing myself with expectations of what I thought my life should be. Now, I realize that there are no “shoulds.” There is only what is. She continues this idea with a metaphor: “Thoughts are like the breeze or the leaves on the trees or the raindrops falling…through inquiry we can make friends with them. Would you argue with a raindrop? Raindrops aren’t personal and neither are thoughts.” In other words, Katie advises us to meet our thoughts with understanding and productive questions. She proposes that behind every uncomfortable feeling, there’s a thought that’s driving it. To change stressful, painful feelings, we must understand the original thought causing it rather than looking outside of ourselves at circumstances or people. Learning to loosen my attachment to my thoughts has changed my life for the better and allowed me to see the humor and wisdom in the uncomfortable growth period after my divorce.
