Some vibrators, like bullets and wands, are primarily for clitoral stimulation. In this case, you’ll hold it against the clit and make any motions that feel good to you, which could include running it along the length of the clitoral hood, tapping it against the glans (head) of the clitoris, making circular motions around it, or simply holding it in place pressed against clitoris or the vulva area. In the case of a toy like a dildo or a G-spot vibrator, you’ll insert the vibrator into your vaginal opening and thrust it in and out at the desired speed and pressure. You can angle it directly toward the back of your vagina to maximize the feelings of fullness, or you can angle it to press against the upper wall of the vagina, toward your stomach, which is the area often referred to as the G-spot. As you get more comfortable with the toy you have (and we’ll get into more specifics below), you can experiment with different positions, like standing or sitting up, as well as different motions and techniques. Getting to know a new toy also offers a chance to get to know your body better, which will help you learn more about yourself and what you like. Fleming also suggests taking the time to figure out whether you like direct or indirect clitoral stimulation (i.e. directly touching the clitoris itself or just touching around it), how much pressure you like (some like soft, fluttering touches, while others want more intense stimulation), and other specifics about the type of touch that feels good for you. Every person’s body is different, so experiment and explore. Sex educator Marla Renee Stewart, M.A., suggests actually scheduling time for playing with your vibrator. That way, you’re creating quality time and ensuring you don’t have anything else to worry about at that time. She also recommends paying attention to your physical environment: “Setting the mood means that you may want to invoke your romance skills by tidying up your place, set some mood lighting or candles, and making sure that you have all the necessary accoutrements for the sexual situation.” Particularly for people with vaginas, it can take some time to really get aroused. Fleming notes that when you’re trying anything new sexually, including using a new toy, “You want to start when you’re already aroused—you don’t want to start from a neutral cold start.” When people aren’t fully aroused, she adds, what they’re responsive to and what feels good can be very different from what feels good once they are. “When people are aroused, they’re more open and receptive.” “As you’re starting new, I think it’s really important to start on a low speed,” Fleming says, “because vibrators today are really powerful. Even on a low setting, it can be too intense for some women—so definitely start low and slow and work your way up.” If even the lowest setting is too intense, you can create a kind of barrier with underwear, or a towel, to lighten the intensity to your liking, she suggests. Some positions to try: You’ll want to apply the lube to both the toy and the areas you’ll be stimulating, she notes. Otherwise, the toys can inadvertently tug on your skin uncomfortably. “Trying different lubes is key,” Stewart adds. This is where sample packets come in handy, to help you get an idea of what works—and what doesn’t. If you are unfamiliar with lube, trying sample packets will help you get an idea of what works with your body and what doesn’t. As a rule of thumb, “use water-based lubes with silicone toys,” Fleming notes, as silicone lube can degrade the material of a silicone toy. Using toys during partnered sex “also helps you to convey to your lover what you like,” Stewart says. The same vibrator will feel different when a partner is using it on you versus when you’re using it on yourself, she notes. “It’s important to note that when they are touching you, you are giving them the feedback they need in order to get all the pleasure that you can out of the experience.” Before buying a new sex toy, Fleming suggests opting for a cheaper option at first, to make sure you actually enjoy what you’re investing in. “They can be expensive, and until you know you like a specific kind, finding a less expensive option is important,” she explains. Once you know you like a specific type, brand, material, etc., you can think about investing in something a bit pricier, should you want to. Stewart notes that sometimes clitoral size is an indicator of what kind of vibrator you may like: “If you have a smaller clitoris, you may enjoy more bullet-type vibes,” she says, and if you have a larger clitoris, “you may want to try a suction/air pulse vibe.” Of course, you can definitely try both, too, if you want! Again, because bullets are nice and small, you can incorporate them into everything from solo play to intercourse, experimenting with different settings and speeds. Once you’re already sufficiently turned on, apply some lube to both your clit and the bullet. Play with the different settings, preferably starting off slow, and apply pressure to the clit. From there, experiment with different motions that feel good, and definitely consider using it on other areas as well, such as around the vulva, to find any other unsuspecting sweet spots. The G-spot becomes enlarged when you’re aroused, so remember, take your time and get turned on first. It can help to use your fingers to locate it first so you have an idea of where you’re going. Add some lube into the mix before you go in with your vibrator. Angle the vibrator so the curved side is pointed up and will stimulate the G-spot. From there, you can experiment with different positions to help you “hit the spot,” such as doggy-style. The G-spot isn’t very far from the vaginal opening, so work with steady pressure and short thrusts. Rabbits are great because you can get just internal stimulation, just external stimulation, or both at the same time, making them super versatile. You’ll want to insert the shaft into the vagina while also making contact between the rabbit head and the clitoris. Find an angle that allows for both comfortably, and play around with different positions. Wands are another good option for external and/or clitoral stimulation, though some brands come with accessories so you can get internal stimulation as well. However, generally speaking, you can apply the wand to the clit, and you’ll probably want to keep it moving. Wand vibrators offer super-powerful vibrations, so they can cause some numbness. If this happens, just take it easy for a moment and perhaps turn down the setting. It can help to incorporate a barrier such as a towel or underwear, if it’s too intense. Fleming says penis rings are great if a partner with a penis has problems keeping an erection, as it maintains the blood flow. (Here are the best male sex toys to try, by the way.) “And she gets the bonus of the vibrating,” Fleming adds, noting a majority of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, so it’s a win-win. The usage instructions will vary based on the type of couples’ toy you use, so make sure to read the instructions that come in the box carefully. You can also definitely go the extra mile and give it a quick cleanup beforehand as well, to keep your precious parts germ-free. When in doubt, read the label for your specific toy, as cleaning instructions can widely vary based on material, and be sure to check out our complete guide on how to clean and care for every type of sex toy.
