Most of us have experienced moments when words escape us. We get too nervous, too shy, or too overwhelmed by emotions to think and speak clearly. In these instances, nonverbal cues speak for us. Since conversations are two-sided, that typically means the other person is left to read those nonverbals. “When you’re in fight-or-flight, the brain is releasing hormones and neurotransmitters, and cortisol will start flowing,” she explains. “That increases your blood pressure and your heart rate, and your breathing becomes shallow and fast.” On the other hand, if someone is fearful or uninterested, they may lean back. It’s important to take in all the context clues in these situations, especially. “Breathing becomes shallow, and movements of the hands and head become quick and jerky,” Rouse explains. “Of course, that all depends on the level of nervousness.” There are actually several different types of smiles, according to body language expert David Matsumoto, Ph.D.: “When we feel a certain way but don’t want people to know how we feel, we try to mask it,” Cobb says. Other cues, like pitch, body language, etc., tend to give away how we really feel. “You really have to pay attention to the big picture when you’re reading someone’s emotional state.” Whether you’re speaking virtually or in person, it’s important to get the big picture. In other words, don’t just read the facial expressions. Also take in other context clues like the body language or the verbal cues. “Remember to put everything going on around you and that person into context with what you’re seeing in the other person’s nonverbals,” Rouse says. “The environment affects behavior.” Making assumptions about a person’s body language can lead to misplaced emotions and inappropriate actions, especially when the assumption is that someone is flirting. “A hello and a smile don’t mean someone’s hitting on you,” Cobb says. “It really could be that they’re friendly.” If there’s ever a situation where you’re feeling uncertain, it’s important to ask questions and gain clarity before acting. “You can’t read minds if you know body language,” Rouse says. “But you can make better decisions about what the person you’re talking to or observing is going through or might do next.”
