Since meeting my husband, I had tried three different types of oral contraceptives. Each one had side effects that put a tremendous strain on our relationship.The first pill made me bleed profusely every time we had sex. The second caused me to become jealous and paranoid. We argued loudly, intensely, emotionally, and often in public. My self-esteem was rock bottom, and I lashed out at any perceived offense. The third option was just the final shovel of dirt on my already well-buried libido. So, after six months of marriage, I decided to ditch the pills completely. It also freed me from obsessive negative thinking. Now when disagreements arise, they are quickly resolved. I feel a wider range of emotions and feel them more strongly, but those feelings once again include happiness, bliss, joy, and excitement. Of the 30% of women who stop using birth control pills1, the most commonly cited reason is the side effects. Namely, a negative change in their mood2. Since weren’t ready for a baby, we had to find another birth control method. Talking through this decision together and taking a shared responsibility brought us closer. I decided to learn fertility awareness and began tracking my fertility cycle using Daysy. The support my husband showed during this process made me understand how much he cared for my well-being. Once I was off the pill, I immediately began a daily blog, began writing articles for major publications, wrote a book proposal, published a book, and found inspiration for my documentary—all in the space of a few years. A healthy relationship requires independent growth as much as paired progress, and this work gave me a passion, a place of fulfillment, and a vocation. Knowing I’m only fertile for a relatively short time during my monthly cycle alleviated much of the fear and anxiety around sex, for both of us. No more unplanned pregnancy panics or concerns about condom mishaps. My fertility device is like a helpful mediator in this journey. It’s no longer only on me to track and interpret my fertile signs, and it makes the conversation about where I am in my cycle simple and fun. Plus, my fertile window is when I am most physically attracted to my husband and being aware of this has kept things fresh 10 years into our relationship. Because of that, many people have suggested that women could find their partner less attractive when they stop taking the pill. In fact, doctors like Julie Holland, M.D., psychopharmacologist and author of Moody Bitches, recommends women come off the pill before making a long-term commitment to their partner to see if they still like them with the “pill goggles” off. I’m glad to say coming off the pill didn’t end my relationship—it actually improved my marriage.
