Let’s have “the talk” about how to navigate this precarious situation. For you to know you’re truly in love with them, it’s important to figure out if it’s simply platonic love or the beginnings of a beautiful love story. That includes thinking through all of the possibilities that can happen. After you’ve honestly interrogated your feelings, the reflections will leave you well equipped to figure out what to do next. Licensed marriage and family therapist Farah Zerehi, LMFT, tells mbg the best way to process these feelings is confiding in someone you trust or journaling about it so you can gain a better perspective. You don’t have to tell your friend about your feelings yet, but you do need to acknowledge emotionally what’s happening. To begin the process of examining your feelings, Zerehi and psychotherapist Madison McCullough, LCSW, share some telltale signs that the friendship is something more. Look out for many, if not all, of these signs to be present in your relationship: Separate whether you’re in love with them or whether your friend is a mirror into an undiscovered and underlying issue you might be desiring from the connection. Parsing through the subtleties of the attraction along with your intentions and expectations will help you ground your feelings in realism. One caveat: Sometimes it’s hard to tell if they’re interested in you because they’re also afraid of ruining the friendship. “There is a spectrum of risk that initiating the conversation presents to the stability of the friendship moving forward,” McCullough notes. “If there is a history of flirtation in the relationship, an acknowledgment of mutual attraction, or a gut feeling you have that this person might be falling in love with you, too, the risk is lower.” (Still not sure? Here’s how to interpret mixed signals for this tricky situation.) With this route, it may be heartbreaking to move on, so give yourself support and compassion. “It may or may not be possible to stop having romantic feelings once they have developed,” Zerehi says. “Some things that might be helpful to cool your feelings are to give the relationship a little bit of space, spend time with other friends or people you enjoy, or engage in hobbies and other activities that don’t necessarily include the friend you have developed feelings for.” (We’ll get to some more advice on how to release your feelings later in this article.) “The only way to know for sure whether your friend is falling in love with you is to ask.” McCullough acknowledges. “If open and honest communication is at the foundation of your friendship, there might be room to have a direct—and also playful—conversation about how you’re both feeling.” If your friend feels the same way, great! This is the first of many talks where you can shape your next steps together. That said, it’s inevitable things will be awkward for a while while you work on returning the friendship back to how it used to be—if that’s what you’re both wanting to do. Zerehi notes your friend could be uncomfortable by the change of your feelings toward them, so be prepared for anything to happen. “Even if you develop romantic feelings for a friend, it’s possible that your friend does not reciprocate the feelings you have for them,” Zerehi says. To move forward, she says it depends on how uncomfortable they are by the change of your feelings and if you honestly feel like you are able to navigate a platonic relationship with someone you have feelings for. There’s also the potential that you may not remain friends with each other after the disclosure, so tread lightly. We’ve got a full guide on what to do when someone you like just wants to be friends. If you’re straight and falling for a friend who is the same gender as you, it may feel confusing, but rest assured: McCullough assures that bisexual feelings are normal and completely valid. “If you fall in love with a friend who is the same gender as you, and you’ve identified as straight up to this point, it might be worth exploring whether there might be more fluidity in your sexual identity than you thought,” she says. “Falling in love with a friend while you’re in a relationship could be an indication that you’re not completely satisfied in your relationship,” she says, though she adds, “If you love both your partner and your friend, you might be interested in learning more about alternative relationship styles, such as ethical nonmonogamy and polyamory.” Either way, know that it’s common to get a crush even when you’re in a serious relationship, and there are ways to handle the situation gracefully. To help move it along, remember your worth and that you deserve to be with someone who will take the risk of being with you at all costs because they care about you that much. It could also help to look at your friend and the connection realistically too. Maybe you two really get along but you don’t have the same life goals, so a commitment doesn’t work. Or they make you laugh, but you don’t agree with their political ideologies. Keep those incompatibilities in your mind. In the meantime, uphold clear and respectful boundaries and give each other space. This can look like limiting how often you spend time with each other, contacting them less, and restricting physical touch. After taking a break and you feel differently, you can rebuild the friendship to something clear and transparent. For more, read through our full guide on how to stop liking someone. Love can be a mysterious thing, but psychology says when you hang out with someone enough, it breeds familiarity. And we like what we know. Plus, you already trust, love, and respect each other and have a strong emotional connection. So, it makes sense you might fall in love with them the more you spend time together.
