As a partner, how can you support and love someone with depression without taking on the role of their therapist? Here’s what to know about how depression can affect relationships, plus how to handle it. There’s research that indicates, for example, that depression can cause decreased libido and sexual dissatisfaction1, on top of making other everyday tasks difficult. And with one partner depressed, the other is left unsure of what to do. They can feel like they’ve lost the person they fell in love with, to the point of questioning whether they can stay in the relationship, Birkel adds. “They feel sad about not having the relationship they once had, and sometimes it feels like a grieving process. This often leads to disappointment and resentment because they feel like they are disproportionately holding up the relationship,” he says. As one partner learns how to manage their symptoms and hopefully improve, the other must also learn how to hold space and support, while finding where their own boundaries are. It’s important as well to recognize that you aren’t responsible for how your partner is feeling, and their depression isn’t a reflection of you or your relationship, Birkel adds. This is why it’s important, again, to encourage and support them in getting help from a therapist or other mental health professional. As Birkel explains, when you take good care of yourself, it allows you to be more patient with your partner, without feeling responsibility for the depression. “This is moving into acceptance of the depression and letting go of something that person can’t control,” he says. “It looks like coming from a place of confidence that they are a good partner, not doing anything wrong. From this place they can offer understanding and support.”
