Here’s advice on how to navigate a marriage without sex, from marriage and sex therapists. Emotional intimacy, on the other hand, is often a necessity for a couple to be truly connected, honest, and happy. Emotional intimacy refers to the ability to share your true thoughts and feelings with each other and feeling a sense of safety, comfort, and warmth with each other. Most marriages cannot function in a healthy way without this emotional intimacy. Emotional and physical intimacy are oftentimes linked, meaning that if a marriage is lacking emotional intimacy, it’s likely to also lack physical intimacy as a result. Even if one or both people aren’t happy with the lack of physical intimacy, that’s an issue that can be worked on and improved over time. “If you love your partner and you value your relationship, there are ways to address the lack of sex between the two of you as long as you’re both willing to work together,” Zimmerman writes at mbg. “It’s common, almost universal, to struggle with sex at some point over the course of a relationship.” Sometimes a couple stops being able to have sex due to health conditions, aging, an increase in caregiving responsibilities, or other factors that can’t necessarily be “fixed.” But even in these situations, couples can learn to accept the lack of sex over time because they love their partner and everything else about their relationship. They can also enjoy forms of physical intimacy and sexual touch that don’t revolve around intercourse but are still very sexy, pleasurable, and connective. RELATED: 10 Truths About Sex In Long-Term Relationships & Why It Decreases “I’ve helped a lot of couples completely transform their relationships, so I have an optimistic view about being able to resolve these issues,” Vanessa Marin, LMFT, a sex therapist and creator of The Passion Project, tells mbg. “But it can be especially challenging when one partner is unhappy with the level of intimacy in a relationship and the other partner is perfectly content. You just can’t force anyone to change or to care about something that they don’t care about.” If you’re unhappy with the lack of sex in your marriage, the key factor to keep in mind is whether your partner is willing to work with you to improve the situation. If they’re not, that’s a strong sign that it might not work out. “I’m not saying it’s not possible to fix this kind of relationship, but it’s definitely going to be much more challenging,” Marin adds. “If you want to change your sex life, but your partner is not willing to work on it, you’re going to have to ask yourself some tough questions about the future of your relationship.” Here’s our full guide on when to walk away from a sexless marriage. “If a relationship is sexless and both parties express this desire, it has to have a friendship foundation,” marriage therapist and certified sex educator Lexx Brown-James, LMFT, tells mbg. “They must be able to have pleasure and closeness outside of the physicality. This means being able to celebrate joy with one another, engage in affection (which isn’t always physical), and truly support one another along life’s journey.” Brown-James says this model works in relationships where: If one or both people does still have sexual needs, she adds that the couple needs to be able to find ways to make sure those needs are being met. “This may look different for every couple. Maybe masturbation is integral, maybe cuddling, employing a sex worker, or engaging in erotic play through play parties can be options.” Here are a few steps to bringing sex back into a marriage, according to Marin: With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
