Whether you’re trying to suss out your relationship compatibility with a crush or your marriage compatibility as a long-term couple, this compatibility test will give you some clues—but it’s also important to understand what exactly it means to be compatible with someone. Here’s a simple, five-minute compatibility test to try out: This romantically compatibility test will take about 5 minutes. Answer each question as honestly as possible for the most accurate results. Don’t worry about picking what you assume is “the right answer” — go with what is actually most true for your relationship. Based on your responses, it’s not clear whether or not you’re compatible with your significant other. You may not know enough about this person’s beliefs and behaviors to properly assess your romantic compatibility just yet, or you may have some areas where you’re highly compatible and some areas where you’re highly incompatible. Consider opening up some conversations with this person about some of the topics in this quiz and in this article to help you further explore your compatibility. And don’t worry: Compatibility can be built over time between two people who are committed to doing so. Based on your responses, there are several areas of incompatibility between you and your significant other that suggest you may not be compatible in a relationship. Your personalities, values and beliefs, and/or lifestyle preferences have some incongruencies that may cause excessive conflict in a romantic relationship. However, don’t panic! Any areas of friction or difference can be managed and worked through if both people are committed to the process and to the relationship. Reflect on the areas of friction that came up for you while taking this test and consider how important they are (or aren’t) to you. Not every difference is a deal-breaker—but some are! It’s up to you to decide. You can also consider opening up some conversations with your partner about some of the topics mentioned in this quiz and in this article to help you further explore your compatibility. “Compatibility is a natural, effortless way of relating to another person and feeling a connection,” explains licensed couples’ therapist Racine Henry, Ph.D., LMFT. “It can also be the ability to work together well and compromise around tough issues.” Two people need not be similar to be compatible. Sometimes two people are compatible because they have differing qualities that complement each other or work together synergistically. Henry adds that compatibility can even be built intentionally: “You can either have compatibility from the beginning, or you can put effort into becoming more compatible with each other.” “Personally, I don’t believe a couple has to agree on anything,” says Henry. “I think you have to be able to compromise repeatedly and have a mechanism for solving problems. None of these factors (personality types, family backgrounds, politics, etc.) guarantee compatibility or harmony. These can be starting points for a bond or help establish those initial feelings of interest, but when there’s tension or a lack of positivity, being from the same hometown won’t matter.” Any issue, disagreement, or area of disconnect can be worked through and managed if both people are committed to putting in the effort. However, the best way to know whether you’re compatible with someone is simply by spending time with them and getting to know them more deeply. “You discover compatibility by having a series of conversations and experiencing various environments with a person,” says Henry. “Travel together, spend time with their friends or families, pay attention to how they treat others, [and] check in with yourself about how you feel with their decision-making processes and coping methods.” As a couple experiences life together, they’ll be able to see how they behave in various scenarios and in what ways their individual personalities, lifestyles, and behavioral patterns mesh or don’t mesh with one another. Compatibility tests are more of a helpful starting place for thinking through some key characteristics that may be important to consider when assessing whether you’re romantically compatible with someone. “Marriage requires a commitment to working through life together. Nothing changes in your compatibility whether you’re married or not,” Henry adds. “You have to come to that step in the relationship with the intentions of honoring the promises and goals you both have. Lots of people think something begins at the wedding day, but if you don’t have the necessary components in place prior, they won’t magically appear once you say ‘I do.’” “Compatibility is extremely important,” says Henry, “but again, it doesn’t have to be there organically for it to exist at all. Don’t be hesitant to work at the compatibility, and keep in mind that as you grow and develop as individual people, compatibility will change.” With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
