To put the question bluntly: Is this just a phase, or am I falling out of love with my partner? To an extent, uncertainty is normal. Every relationship has periods of ambivalence, according to Jane Greer, Ph.D., a family and marriage therapist based in New York City. Questioning the nature of your romantic feelings for your partner can be caused by a flurry of things, like a big change in your own personal life (such as a tragic loss or major career move), a difficult fight, or maybe developing a crush on someone else. In this moment, the circumstantial confusion can sometimes cloud our understanding of how we feel about our partner. “Being able to sort out the ambivalence is at the heart of every relationship,” Greer tells mbg. “What is the degree of ambivalence, and can you get back to loving feelings?” That is the big question to ask yourself. Below are some signs that come about when you are falling out of love, according to therapists. Feeling this way probably has you also feeling guilty, as you may find yourself faking your way through your interactions to some extent. “It feels burdensome to have to pretend to be enjoying yourself or to go along with spending time together when you don’t really want to,” Greer explains. “You can’t be your real, authentic self, and so it’s more difficult to be around [them].” If it’s all habitual patterns and no real emotional investment or substance behind your interactions, it may be a sign that the love has faded, and you’re just living in the shell of where it once was. “There’s no juice left in the relationship,” Tessina tells mbg. “You may be fond of each other still, but you don’t really feel connected.” Wanting to dialogue with your partner—share ideas, feel heard, and hear them—is a signal that you really care about them and that you’re invested in the relationship. If that drive isn’t there, you might be falling out of love. If you’re still caught in confusion and uncertainty after some time has passed, then consider facing the reality that your love might really be fading. What comes next is up to you. There are ways to stop falling out of love and save a relationship that’s falling apart—if that’s what you want. It’s also important to recognize when it might be time to break up.
