While they tend to be quieter and may even seem shy, the covert narcissist can be just as dangerous and manipulative, so it’s important to be able to identify them. “Covert narcissists feel special because they believe their pain is more important than others’,” clinical psychologist and Harvard lecturer Craig Malkin, Ph.D., explains. “They may feel like the most misunderstood genius, the person who’s suffering the most, or even the ugliest person in the room.” People with narcissistic personality disorders (NPD) are addicted to feeling special, Malkin explains. In the case of the covert narcissist, their specialness derives from experiencing—at least in their mind—the most intolerable or unique suffering. “They’ll say things like ‘I’ve suffered more than anyone has ever suffered before,’” licensed psychologist Daniel Fox, Ph.D., says. “They expect others to understand how hurt they are and how much pain they’re experiencing, when in the grand scheme of things, their suffering is usually pretty mild.” “They say or do things to make you feel off-balance, insecure, or uncomfortable so they can feel more in control or knowledgeable.” “The covert narcissist needs that attention, and they need to be seen as special,” Fox says. Whether they admit to it—or, more likely, reject it—this act can help you feel more secure. Acknowledging the true source of their doubt might remind you that you’re not inferior, which is what they want you to believe. Covert narcissists are the same. They simply display their behaviors on a quieter, less grandiose scale than overt narcissists do.
