Common gaslighting phrases: Once you can effectively recognize when gaslighting is happening in the moment, then you can start to break the cycle. To combat this, stand firm in your truth. That means believing in yourself, your feelings, and what you know to be true. It means owning your perception (i.e., what you saw, heard, and felt). It sounds like “I know what I saw” or “Don’t tell me how to feel; this is how I feel.” A person who is gaslighting will blatantly lie, shift the narrative, and will minimize how you feel. Entering the conversation knowing your purpose will help you remain centered on a path versus being veered in the different directions that a gaslighting person may take you. Remember: The goal of the person who is gaslighting is to have you doubt your perception, so walking away before the gaslighting gets severe is a way to maintain your perception of events. People who are dealing with gaslighting often wonder about the person’s motives. If the gaslighter doesn’t know they’re gaslighting, it gives them a sense of hope. Essentially, people on the receiving end are trying to gauge how much patience they should have with their abuser. For example: Maybe if they don’t know what they are doing, I can show them, and the conversation can be more productive. But importantly, what would actually change if you knew what their motive was? It may help you learn to navigate the situation more skillfully (for example, if you knew that their motive was to cause doubt, then that may empower you to stand firm in your truth), but it is not necessary to know their motives in order to set boundaries. When we reach out to our support system to share with them our reality; what is happening; what we know; and what we’ve seen, witnessed, and experienced; we are further integrating our truth into our minds. The more we stay quiet and downplay our realities, the more likely it is that the seeds of doubt will grow over time. Sometimes we need external validation from our support system to build our internal confidence, especially when we are victims of being gaslit. You can reduce the psychological and emotional hold that a gaslighter has on you when you share your truths with safe people. It is more than OK to walk away and grieve the reality that your needs in the conversation may not be met. Standing firm in your truth and leaning into your support system can help ground you back into reality. Lastly, practice self-compassion for what you are enduring in the relationship; this will help you in navigating the feelings associated with being gaslighted. She regularly shares insights and wisdom on her popular Instagram platform @alyssamariewellness, where she has over 66,000 followers.
