If you want to stop being emotionally dependent, Mahalli says that you need to start showing up for yourself. What is it that you feel you need from your partner or the person you’re emotionally dependent on? How could you begin to satisfy those emotional needs yourself, without relying on another person? “It’s healthy to spend time alone, whether you’re self-reflecting or simply taking part in a favorite solo activity,” she writes. “While it can be scary to feel like you need and want time away from your partner, it’s important to communicate what you need when you know you need it. Remember that spending time in solitude is not self-indulgent.” If you worry that you might be emotionally dependent, you likely need to relearn your independence—and Mahalli says that this starts by finding a space that is yours. “Take up hobbies that you enjoy on your own,” she tells mbg. “Whether that’s yoga, painting, learning a new language, or anything else that you’ve been wanting to do—now is the time to start.” Do these activities by yourself. Teach yourself that you can find joy, peace, and comfort on your own. As you relearn how to be by yourself, emotional independence will follow suit. “See how you can build upon one strength and make it bigger,” Ortega says. “Focus on that one strength every day and remind yourself of it. You will be less reliant on other people telling you what’s fabulous about yourself.” “I add the disclaimer of ‘realistic’ as positive affirmation folks can get a little too carried away and make things so unrealistic that it turns recipients off,” Ortega says. “When the inner saboteur strikes, bring in the compassionate witness. Let them walk hand-in-hand without giving more strength to one over the other.” The negative chatter eventually dies down, and you can walk around feeling more confident each day. “The key to becoming more emotionally independent is to first recognize where your current pattern of behavior stems from,” says Barber. “Once you have identified the root, you can better assess where you’re at and how to change your state of mind in order to be more emotionally independent.” Where did you first learn to behave the way you do in your relationships? How could you take small steps to break free from your patterns? Here are some steps for developing self-confidence. Once you appreciate yourself for who you are, you won’t need others for approval, and you’ll feel more comfortable shifting out of unhealthy relationship dynamics. You won’t be emotionally dependent forever—and committing to change is the first step to getting yourself to a healthier place.
