The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, which therapists use to make mental health diagnoses, doesn’t group narcissism into different types, but some experts classify narcissists into one of three groups: A gaslighter might, for example, deny doing something they did, accuse you of behavior they themselves are guilty of, or call you oversensitive or dramatic when you confront them. You may be particularly susceptible to gaslighting if you’re a people-pleaser, empath, or codependent. Somatic narcissists may feel a sense of sexual entitlement and treat their partners like objects to stroke their egos rather than people with bodily autonomy, says psychotherapist Richard A. Singer Jr., M.A. Narcissistic traits have been linked with sexual assault in college men, and narcissistic abuse affects somewhere between 60 and 158 million people in the U.S. (Narcissism can also lead to nonsexual forms of intimate partner violence since a narcissist may expect their partners to drop everything in order to meet their needs, says Schafler.) Sexual narcissism can also manifest in the opposite way, though. A sexual narcissist may constantly ask their partners if they’re satisfied but only because their partners’ satisfaction validates their own prowess, says Schafler. While cerebral narcissists gain their sense of importance from their minds, somatic narcissists rely on their bodies, says Mahalli. “A somatic narcissist aims to impress you with their body, the number of people who look at them, or their six-pack, and needs approval in those areas.” In addition, getting them to change is an uphill battle. “Narcissists typically don’t see a problem with their behavior,” says Schafler. “It’s aligned with who they feel they authentically are.” It’s rare for narcissists to even seek help unless their jobs or other aspects of their lives are at stake, Singer adds. “The finger is always pointed toward others and not at one’s self.” In other words, if you realize you’re dating a somatic narcissist, the best thing to do is to get out. “The longer you engage with them in a relationship, the more they will hurt you,” says Scott-Hudson. “Somatic narcissists are just like any other narcissist in that they have a profound lack of empathy for others.” If you’re in contact with a somatic narcissist, try to avoid displaying emotional responses to their behavior, because narcissists feed off drama and will continue targeting you if their manipulation tactics are having the desired reaction, says Scott-Hudson. She also recommends seeking counseling to examine what led you into a relationship with a narcissist, as this often becomes a pattern for those with histories of trauma. “People with childhood abuse histories are more vulnerable to narcissistic abuse and often require professional counsel to extract from the narcissistic dynamic in relationships, so they don’t leave one narcissist only to get involved with another,” she says. While it’s normal to care about your appearance, you should be wary of anyone whose life seems to revolve around theirs, who judges others based on their own, or who shows other signs of narcissism. It’s unlikely that a somatic narcissist will change their ways, so if you think you’re in a relationship with one, get out as soon as possible and seek therapy for yourself. Suzannah provides private coaching and courses in the areas of sex and relationships, as well as doula services.
