Forgiveness just means that you’ve made peace with the pain, and you are ready to let it go. “There was a reason you came together, and there’s a reason you are moving apart,” psychologist Danielle Dowling, Psy.D., writes at mbg. “Acknowledge the good, the bad, and the beautiful from your time together and know that it all served an important purpose in both of your lives.” Not forgiving someone is the equivalent of staying trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else’s crime. “It’s a mixture of anger, depression, and blame. But most of all, the opposite of forgiveness is stagnation,” psychologist Kristina Hallett, Ph.D., writes at mbg. “It’s getting mired in an emotional place regarding a particular incident, and it prohibits future growth and discovery. … There’s a common saying: Not forgiving someone is like slowly poisoning yourself and secretly hoping the other person dies.” You make the choice to either dwell on the pain caused by others, or you can forgive and move on. “Your ability to forgive someone often has little to do with that person or what they did,” Hallett says. “Merriam-Webster defines forgiveness as ’to cease to feel resentment against an offender’ or ’to give up resentment of or claim to requital.’ It’s an internal state of being, and it’s not dependent on anyone but you. The only person in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions—and the only one who can make a shift occur—is you.” Others deserve forgiveness, just like we do. To forgive someone is the highest, most beautiful form of love. You might just find that you get a sense of peace and happiness in return. “Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.”
