So rather than trying to prevent loneliness, I’m going to try use the techniques and reminders I have for the past few years to cope with the discomfort. While the current state of our world may be feeding into those feelings of loneliness as we sit at home, here are five things to think about: Our society tends to pathologize it by portraying lonely people as flawed, weak or not enlightened enough; yet these are unhelpful products of our independence-valuing culture. Loneliness in normal, healthy and universal. Remember that the family member you see as the most independent, and both counterparts of the couple you perceive to be in the healthiest, happiest relationships, feel lonely at times. They also feel sad, angry, hurt, anxious, and inadequate at times. No matter what you’re experiencing, I promise you there are hundreds of thousands of others feeling that same thing at that same time. Hunter S. Thompson said, “We are all alone, born alone, die alone…I do not say lonely — at least, not all the time — but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important.” So remember that: you may be alone, but you are also the only person who can fully be on your team. We’re all connected to each other and to the rest of the universe. Perhaps this is too abstract for you to swallow, and that’s fine. But don’t dismiss it just yet. Observe your environment for yourself and notice how everything is connected. It will make the loneliness less acute. But sometimes, if I can catch myself on autopilot, I can look inward and offer myself a soothing statement. Something like, You’re hurting right now. You want to feel something else. It will pass, but remember it’s OK to feel lonely and means you’re human. In doing so, we create enough space to do react to and ease the pain of our loneliness in a more serving way, perhaps by listening to music, journalling, practicing yoga or calling a loved one if the loneliness is momentary; or by volunteering, joining a support group or class, or reevaluating the relationships in our life if the loneliness is chronic. Pema Chodron says, “Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. Heartache is not something we choose to invite in. When we can rest in the middle, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness, a relaxing and cooling loneliness that completely turns our usual fearful patterns upside down.” So invite your loneliness in. And if it gets to be too much, check out our TKTK.
