Does this sound familiar? Are you a self-proclaimed achievement junkie in need of a lengthy rehabilitation, preferably in a beach side facility stocked with mental health professionals? That was a almost two years ago, and in that time, I allowed myself to slow down and step back from over-achievement and goal orientation while I nurtured myself and explored my passions. My point is that while obsessing over finish lines, I forgot to enjoy the races, races that looked much more like marathons than the sprints I made them out to be. (And I was a distance runner, so I should know better.) Pace yourself. Slow down and be mindful of the present moment. That’s usually where the magic happens. Somehow, my goals, despite their respectability, became a way to avoid the moment while receiving fleeting love nuggets in the form of accolades from others (so that I could love myself). And ultimately, my athletic endeavors became a way for me to figuratively and quite literally run away from what I did not like about myself. As a result, the universe forced me to sit still and go inward, and the only way it knew how to teach this fast talking, quick-moving, over-achiever was to take my legs away from me in the form of a neurological disease. I could no longer run from the truth of myself, and this led me into a period of self-discovery that continues today. Healing was the end goal that my sights were stubbornly set on and not once did I realize that the process was what really mattered, not the desperate goal of healing. Eventually, the healing will come, but it will come as a result of relaxing into and enjoying the process of introspection, self-discovery, self-actualization and the realizing of my spiritual self. Cry, kick and scream. Experience that awfulness, but don’t turn away from it, or ignore it, or stuff it down to fester within your soul as more dis-ease. It is that simple in theory, yet so difficult in practice. There are days when I still struggle, typically when daily responsibilities feel overwhelming and time feels sparse, but my symptoms never lie, and when they worsen, I know I am off track. Your body is always speaking to you. Listen to its subtle messages.
