We asked a relationship therapist for common relationship red flags that crop up around the holidays. Here’s what to watch out for: “If your partner is really not wanting to entertain your family events but, further, take you away from your family events and isolate you, that’s a huge red flag,” she tells mbg. Why? Isolation is often a subtle form of control seen in abusive relationships, she explains. “Often when people are trying to keep you away from those close to you, they want to be your only emotional support and outlet, and that’s emotional abuse and a huge red flag.” “What is their relationship with their biological family or even their chosen family? Do they have close relationships with other people? Because if they don’t, that’s a huge red flag, too—and could be indicative of patterns of behavior you may not want to associate with,” Blaylock-Solar explains. Of course, some people have valid reasons for not being close to their family, which you may be aware of. But Blaylock-Solar notes you’ll want to keep an eye out for things like explosive anger, codependent dynamics, and general poor communication. Much of the way people behave in relationships, such as their attachment style and how they handle conflict, are affected by family dynamics, and you’ll likely find you can put a lot of pieces together when you get a sense of the environment they grew up in and how they interact with the people supposedly closest to them. (Check out our full guide to signs of a toxic family for more red flags to look for.) If you’re noticing an increase in the use of substances around the holidays, it’s something Blaylock-Solar advises keeping an eye on. This time of year can bring up a lot of stress, and if they’re using substances to cope now, it could be a behavior that repeats itself in stressful future scenarios as well.
