Fortunately, there are specific tips and tricks you can keep in mind to help your partners with vulvas achieve that big O. This step-by-step guide will teach you exactly how to make a girl with a vulva orgasm: “Every single body is different and wants different things. Intimacy is built on learning your partner’s turn-ons and their preferred methods of stimulation,” sexologist and certified sex coach Gigi Engle tells mbg. You’re not a mind reader. Open, clear communication about consent, what feels good, and what doesn’t is essential to pleasurable sex that leads to orgasm. When asking your partner about her sexual desires and needs, make sure to really listen to the answers so you can create the ultimate experience for her. Establishing a strong connection, spending time nurturing your romantic connection, or even just sexting throughout the day can help to build excitement for what’s to come—literally! When you’re together IRL and starting to transition into sex, be mindful and make sure she’s really turned on, totally game, and ready to play. If she’s into the idea of having sex but still is having trouble relaxing and getting in the mood, AASECT-certified sexuality therapist Rose Hartzell, Ph.D., Ed.S., suggests reading erotica and lighting candles to help her get into that sexy mindset. RELATED: 24 Types Of Orgasms & How To Try Each One Prior to direct genital contact, try kissing, teasing, and caressing her neck, ears, breasts, nipples, and inner thighs. Everybody has different preferences, though, so always be sure to ask your partner what she likes. If you want women to enjoy having sex with you, you’ll need to relinquish the idea that it’s all about penetration and that everything else is “foreplay.” Some 75% of vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to orgasm—so consider that her main act. Use your fingers, tongue, a vibrator, or pressure on her clit. This can be done while penetrating inside her vagina, but recognize that the external stimulation is more important. RELATED: 9 Best Sex Toys For Women: Full Guide For 2022 If and when her natural lubricant wears off (which is normal, no matter how turned on someone is), lube will help avoid tears and reduce friction, allowing her to continue enjoying the experience. Communication is another form of good lube, Engle reminds, so keep the conversation going during the experience to help guide her to orgasm as smoothly and comfortably as possible. Rather than putting it front and center as the main goal, she suggests relaxing and focusing on pleasure instead. “When we do this, the orgasm emerges as a surprising and delightful byproduct,” she says. So when your partner finally gets from Point A to Destination O, the process will have been an enjoyable ride for everyone involved. Mandriota has traveled to a clothing-optional resort in Jamaica, attended sex camp, visited cannabis cafes, tried a liquid vibrator, and spilled her personal dating experiences (read: struggles) on the internet, all in the name of journalism. When she’s not writing, she devotes her time to her passion project Highly Untamed, scoping out the best taco spots, training Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and adventuring around seeking inspiration for new stories. Follow Mandriota on Instagram and Twitter or visit her website to read more.
