As the name suggests, the position resembles the way spoons look when stacked, with their curves fitting together. “Being the one who is embraced can give you an opportunity to be in a vulnerable position where you can be supported,” she says, adding, “Often because of toxic masculinity, a lot of guys don’t feel they have space to do that, but being the one who’s embraced allows you to receive the benefit of that expressed vulnerability and knowing that you’re safe.” When we’re in a safe and loving relationship, we have the opportunity to operate outside of those cultural constructs, Blaylock-Solar says. So while everyone may have their preference of being the big or little spoon, who doesn’t want to be held sometimes? For instance, one partner could lie on their back, while the other person lies across their chest, not quite all the way on top of them but enough that they’re essentially “spooning” them in a different way. You could also spoon toward each other, with the little spoon curled up and the big spoon’s arms wrapped around them. As Blaylock-Solar explains, “I think any position where one person is the holder and the other person is being held counts, and understand that for different body types, sizes, or abilities, you just have to figure out what works best for you.” As far as having sex this way, Blaylock-Solar has a few tips. For one thing, you’ll want to be flexible—and not physically flexible but rather mentally flexible. “It may not look like what you’ve seen in porn, so understanding that it’s OK if your body looks a little different as you’re trying to get the right angle,” she says. In addition to that, you can optimize the experience with things like pillows or wedges to help find the right angle. Blaylock-Solar adds that this is also a great position for using toys for different types of stimulation.
